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Etikettråd-och-tips
Läst 6173 ggr
bounce
2013-10-29 13:24

Hjälp med engelska text

I was walking in the woods when I heard a big loud voice behind a little hump. I thought it was only my imagination or that I was daydreaming. But it turned out that I was wrong. The sound was so dark and terrifying so I got completely paralyzed. I stood completely still and the only thing I heard was the beating of my heart. Even though I was scared, I decided to continue walking trough the woods, and when I was walking I suddenly heard the same horrible roar again, but this time it seemed to be closer than before. I began to wonder what it could be, maybe a hungry wolf, or even a furious bear? My curiosity was getting bigger and bigger. I could not resist to see what was behind the hill.

I decided to walk slowly and silently towards the sound. In between the trees I saw two big brown bears fighting over the meal of the day, a dead reindeer. I got really afraid and I was about to scream, but then I remembered what my dad used to say to me. ”When you see a bear, you should never scream or start to run and never get paniced!” It was the wise words that my dad told me before going out to the woods. So I calmly walked away towards my cottage. Safely I returned home, with an exciting story to tell everyone. 

hur kan jag förbättra denna text för att få ett så högt betyg som möjligt? Alltså ändra kanske något ord eller några, men jag ids absolut inte skriva om texten. Men kom med tips på hur jag kan göra detta till ett A jobb, kanske bra att veta att jag går första året på gymnasiet. Texten får absolut inte vara mer än 300 ord, så därför den är så kort.

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Inkanyezi
2013-10-30 07:31
#1

I don't think that a voice would be characterised as "big", an adjective that I would reserve for concrete things rather than abstract sensory perception. Neither would I think of a sound like the roar of bears as "dark", even though adjectives as dark and bright are sometimes used to describe sounds of music.

It also is a bit funny that it is "behind a little hump", when it actually would take a rather substantial hump to hide a couple of fighting bears from view. The qualifier "little" makes me think of something that is rather below knee height than any larger. I would rather say it as "from behind a small hill" or something along that line.

The idiom "in-between" (or inbetween) is a special one, and to me it does not sound like colloquial English to use "in between" like this, although with "in" as a qualifier for a verb and "between" as further qualifying "in", it would make sense. However I think it a bit odd in this case. A small plant is what is in-between a seed and a fully grown tree, the intermediate state between the two.

Whether to use toward or towards, paralyzed versus paralysed, it is more a matter of style. To me it sounds dead wrong with "towards", although Merriam Webster's says it is more a difference between American or British style. I prefer British spelling, as well as British style, but if you intend to make your style American, the z and towards are not wrong.

Don't panic! That's the comforting first message on the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, but when you inflect it, a k is added, so it is "panicked" in that forme. I would however prefer the simple form, as from the guide to the galaxy: never panic.

Gatukorsning
2013-10-30 20:21
#2

För att kunna hjälpa dig att sikta mot ett A så krävs följande:

- Vad är uppgiften? Vad är det du ska göra?

- Vilka är betygskriterierna? Vilka förmågor är det som du förväntas visa i denna uppgift? Vilka är kunskapskraven?

Jag förmodar att det är LGR11 som din lärare ska använda sig av och där ska ju allt detta stå. Om din lärare inte har varit tydlig med dig och visat exempel eller konkretiserat vad det är som krävs för att nå ett A så måste du säga till om det. Annars blir det ju en omöjlig uppgift för dig, du ska ju inte behöva gissa dig fram till vad som krävs.

Lite extra tid, lite extra omtanke, lite extra tålamod och så lite extra kärlek är allt som behövs för att låta en skyggis tassa sig in i ditt hjärta!

florasfokus
2014-11-11 16:29
#3

hej 

jag måste skriva en text på dåtid på engelska kan någon hjälpa mig

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